Thank God!
When my son was a second grader, my dad fainted at work and fell head first off the second story of a building.
Taylor knew that Grandad had terrible head and shoulder injuries, and that Grandad would have died had he not landed in a pile of debris that cushioned his fall.
My dad had to have surgery, and all we could do was hope he would fully recover.
This all happened just before Thanksgiving.
Taylor's teacher asked if the kids had anything they were thankful for. Taylor's hand shot up.
"I'm thankful for debris!"
My dad did recover. He lost some shoulder rotation, and whenever he forgets something, we say he has brain damage.
My dad means the world to me.
I am thankful for debris too!
Jamie Dawn's Thanksgiving Blessing:
May you be surrounded with the love of friends & family. May you wear an elastic waistband, and may your tummy be filled to capacity. Should you fall, may you land in a debris pile. Amen.
**I had a couple of requests yesterday that I share the worst sermon faux pas, even though I said I would never do so. I must warn that if you can't hack something a bit naughty, then please don't read on. Now, I've really got your attention!
A woman named Kay Dick was being welcomed into church membership. She was called forward and introduced to the congregation. The pastor closed the service in prayer, and then he meant to say, "Now, everyone come forward and shake Kay Dick's hand." Instead he said, "...come forward and shake Kay Hand's dick." This really happened!
posted by Jamie Dawn @ 23.11.05
36 Comments:
I bet that Pastor's face lit up the entire sanctuary!
And poor Kay!!! I can't even imagine how she must have felt.
If it had happened to me I would still be laughing with tears running down my face!
Okay, that was worth the wait. :)
According to a Kurt Schaffer 'Bloopers' album, this happens rather frequently -- like when the announcer said of the pianist with the last name of Peabody, "Mr. Playbody will now pee for you" or when the nun did a PSA for the "peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's Church". And you realize... shaking Kay's dick leads to peter-pulling.
(And between me and you, one of those Daybook-variety naughty stories [which I've been not writing lately, erk!], I did an illustration of the St. Taffy's contest when I was in the sixth grade and passed it to a friend in another classroom, who let it fall into the teacher's hands. I did get to chat with the principal, who was himself very much in need of shaking or pulling because he was a dangling dingle, but I did not receive any punishment to my great surprise.)
We had friends who worked with the youht group at their church. One night they wanted everyone to stand up. A number of the girls wouldn't stand up so one of the male leaders chose to use a well known phrase and just reverse it for the situation..... he yelled at them"stand up or I'll knock you up!!!!!" Well the embarassement that ensued was huge, and then I guess they managed to get on with the evening.
And thank heavens for debri!
I second the elastic waist band - gotta love those sweats suits. Your sermon faux pas had me lol. ;0)
Have a great Thanksgiving JD!
I thought I could top that one, but mine wasn't said in church. I once meant to say in a crowd of people "a slipped disc" and I said
"a stripped dick". I turned as red as an apple.
You don't have to fall of a second floor to get "Brain damage" from memory it starts to happen when you're about 50.
OK, I really chuckled over Kay Dick's hand...
Your family (and you) are full of charm, wit, love, and laughter. Thanks for sharing this with us.
The Other Half's best friend is a roofer who fell off a one story roof once and there was no debris. He broke his back. So I will tell him the story of the debris. I think he'll appreciate it!
And did you shake it? Kay Dick's hand that is.
Have a Happy Thanksgiving, JD and all!!
Thank God for debris, verbal and otherwise. Have a terrific Thanksgiving, Jamie. Blessings.
Thank god for Jamie Dawn!
::gobble gobble::
You indeed are a blessing.
You always make me see the funny side of everything.
Have a happy Thanksgiving.
Take Care
Michael
Ahhhh elastic, how I wuv you.... I'm thinking I might start buying my clothes in the maternity section. That actually might be funny... think of the people who would elbow each other and point me out and whisper, Oh I sure would hate to be pregnant at HER age... I know this has nothing to do with what you just said. Well, the elastic part did. Glad your dad landed in debris :)
Let'shear it for debris. It can certainly come in handy sometimes.
I will think about your elastic wasteband remark when I overindulge tomorrow. Let's face it. I will. I always do.
Love the sermon faux pas, but I must admit, I'm glad I didn't say it. I would've been mortified.
Happy Thanksgiving to you & yours, J.D.
Jamie Dawn, you're incredible. That's a very touching post but I'm laughing my hand off right now.
Have a great Thanksgiving and that was a great post. And cute and funny.
I'm glad you're thankful for debris. You'd love my office then.
I've heard an Old Testament scripture messed up. It read "He shall sit..." but the H was switched to another word. It wouldn't have been so bad had he not backed up to correct himself,,,and did it again. Two more times.
Yes, thank God for debris! My neighbor had been dumping bags of leaves over the cliff and then on one trip she fell over. Thankfully she landed in all those leaves, otherwise she might not be here today! She was hurt though and airlifted out, but she got okay.
Great post as usual JD!
Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family! Enjoy the blessings.
Haha! That reminds me of the story about the pastor who asked his guests to rise. When Mr Harry Butz guests didn't hear him he said even louder, "Would the two ladies with Harry Butz please rise?!" LOL!
Happy Thanksgiving JD! And who doesn't love some debris?! ;)
Lois Lane
I was so loving the story of your dad and the debris..then nealry wet myslef when i read the last part..
That is worth going to church for..:)
Thanks for sharing that story, it's very sweet. And thanks for giving me a good reason NOT to go clean that pile of stuff at the bottom of the basement stairs!
Poor Kay Dick! But, with a name like that I'm sure she's heard them all. At least this one was an accident!
Bet that pastor would have welcomed a pile of debris to hide under....
Oh, yeah and happy thanksgiving to you and your clan.
Alison: It's not easy to knock up someone who is standing, eh? :) This old woman I live near says that her father was Australian and he'd use the term "knocked up" to mean tired, so when she was in Oz (a generation or two later, thus vernacular has evolved) she got off the plane and told her host that the trip didn't wear her out by saying "It didn't knock me up" -- and the host said, "At your age, I don't see how you could get pregnant." :-P
glad for debris too :)
Happy Thanksgiving Mom. I'm thankful for you. :)
Too funny.....You always make me laugh
Have a Happy Thanksgiving Jamie :)
We had a teacher at school named Richard Dick. What parents would do that?
Have a great Thanksgiving!
I think we don't give enough credit to debris. Where would we be without it? We'd have a bunch of delapidated old buildings still standing around looking ugly.
And a few more broken backs.
Have a Happy Thanksgiving! :)
I'm thankful for the debris too!
Happy Thanksgiving!
And: "This is indeed a Pidgeon, Mr. Privilege." Also really happened. Just not in church.
Ohhh! LOL, LOL, LOL! THat is truly truly funny. Thank You for posting this....and, a VERY VERY HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU AND YOURS!!!
Thank you so very much for the very sweet Thanksgiving Wish to me....I am going to eat very shortly! YUM!!!!
Poor Kay. Her dick must be trembling still.
I've heard of some church bloopers, but that's the funniest!
Thanks for your blessings, and I hope you had a great Thanksgiving. Safe driving home!
The Kay Dick story is too funny. I, one time in my teaching career, mixed up organism with orgasm. Those innocent little nine year olds just listened closely to my science lesson on bacteria and algae without blinking an eye, while I was blathering on about little orgasms too small to see without a microscope. I knew something was wrong, but it took a few minutes and a change of subject for me to realize what I had been saying. My principal whom I confided in and who has a wonderful sense of humor, retold the story at my retirement party a few years ago. It received howls of laughter from the audience who now all know me as, Mrs. Malaprop.
Thank you for sharing a wonderful story and I hope you had a great Thanksgiving.
Hey!, I've got an aunt named Kay Hand and she really has a ..................Oh nevermind. thanks for the laughs.
i have a true story that is kinda funny too. i'll try to make it short. i work for my dad doing payroll. a guy quit and we held his check to get back some uniforms. he got mad and came to the office and threatened me. after he left, my dad, who is very religious, whom i have never heard say a curse word in my life, came over to talk to me and my female office manager about the incident. he was trying to say someting to the effect of "big mouth people like that should be ignored..." but somehow ended up saying "blowjobs like that should just be ignored" How he got "blowjobs" into that sentance i will never know. needless to say he was extremely embarassed and it was all i could to to keep myself from laughing.
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