From Me to You (Part Two)

More gifts for my internet buddies:


Christina has been going ON & ON about needing a breast reduction. I can't imagine such a need. I will be providing her with the doc that reduced Dolly's headlights, and I will be on the table next to her receiving her unwanted tissue.


To Old Hoss I give GW Bush's debut album. This will be sure to bring Hoss holiday cheer from dawn 'til dusk. I didn't misunderestimate how much this will mean to Old Hoss.



AP3 (Aral) has to endure what she calls "bored" meetings. I hereby grant her the ability to cause anyone she chooses to fart uncontrollably, thereby making those meetings less boring and causing embarrassment to those she thinks need to be brought down a notch. I'm also throwing in a bohunkus warmer.


Doug is a highly experienced hitchhiker and a brilliant thinker. For spreading knowledge across the land, he will receive the I'm Better Than Ambrose Bierce Gold Medal, as well as a solid gold dictionary.


Woodland Creature and Monique will have programming control over the Disney Channel until Mallory, Maia, and Noah have graduated from Junior High. I will try and negotiate this same deal for them for the Nickelodeon channel.


Cube now has the power to destroy those who disagree with him politically by using his laser eyes. Michael Moore beware! Is that John Kerry I smell sizzling?


Jen is a dedicated homeschool mom who claims to have Mensa-like intelligence. I'll let you be the judge of that after I inform you that she let her kids have a Cockroach Farm on the kitchen counter. The roaches procreated and the little ones escaped all over her kitchen. I am giving her this lovely, silver cockroach necklace to remind her that genius and wisdom are two different things all together.

**More gifts to come every few days 'til Christmas!