Show Me the Gluttony!

I did a couple of things that I'm pretty sure you did not do over the Christmas holiday. I ate 14 cookies in two days, and I played an 8 hour game of Risk with my family. 8 hours straight, with short breaks for snacking and peeing. We began the game at about 6:45 p.m. on Christmas, and my hubby CHEATED his way to global dominating victory at just after 3 a.m. "I'm king of the world!" - my rear end!!

Taylor strikes again:

If you are not familiar with my family, you are probably thinking, "Oh, Little Taylor must have broken one of JD's Christmas trinkets." Let me inform you. "Little" Taylor is 16 years old, 6'4" tall, and very sorry that his wild behavior resulted in broken glass, even though he laughed when it happened. He is currently in a cage in the dungeon, serving his sentence.

I played a mean trick on my kids, and enjoyed it. Both kids asked for cash for Christmas, so I obliged. Here are photos capturing their surprise when they excitedly opened their cards which each contained a five dollar bill.


My daughter said, "This is supposed to be a joke, right?" It was priceless!

Update on my previous post:
I was enlightened by two blog buddies about Mr. Bobbit, husband of the knife wielding Lorena Bobbit. His name is John Wayne Bobbit, and his severed appendage was re-attached, AND he now stars in porn flicks. I was also informed that there were a number of copycat crimes following this incident that did not make national news.
Well, all I can say is that if ANYONE is entitled to have penis envy or a penis complex, it is Mr. John Wayne Bobbit, so I do not fault him for his current profession. CUT the guy some slack! I do not believe that he is fully operational, though, because re-attached appendages are never as good as new, so I believe that these porn flicks of his are using a liberal amount of computer animation. If they can put King Kong on the streets of NYC, then they can surely help John Wayne Bobbit deliver an impressive performance.
As for the copycat crimes not making national news, I am not surprised. Let's CUT to the chase: The news industry is controlled by men who wanted to CUT this burgeoning story, pronto! Local reports of these copycat slashings were left on the CUTTING floor, and were not allowed any national coverage for fear that the copycat slicing trend would spread. Sales of Ginsu knives tripled in the local areas where the news reports were aired. And THAT'S the REST of the story.
I'll post again on New Year's Eve. See you then!!

You Asked For It

As a good blog buddy, I honor my promises.
Here's your belated Christmas present:



I took that last one myself outside on my front porch in the sunlight this morning. My daughter took the other three in different settings with different lighting. Hopefully, the winey-purpley color shows up on your screen. If not, trust me. You can call me Merlot Dawn until my next hair appt 8 weeks from now.
Until then, I have to endure the Barney theme song every time I enter the room as well as the cackling laughter of my ungrateful, cruel offspring. Here's my coldhearted son having a laughing fit over my purple hair:

My very intelligent husband knows it's not safe for him to mock me. It's a matter of self preservation. He remembers the story of Lorena Bobbit and her whatever his name was hubby who apparently pissed her off somehow. Maybe her hair was purple, and he made the mistake of laughing at her. Well, as you recall, Lorena Bobbit bobbed IT, and that was that.

For men, the moral of this post is:
Whenever your wife (or any female on the planet that you happen to know) comes home from the salon, LIE if you have to and tell her you LOVE her new hairdo.

For women, the moral of this post is:
Carry an unconcealed, loaded weapon to the salon. I guarantee you'll get the exact color you asked for.

You can be sure I'll be packing heat next time!
"Don't anybody MOVE! I'm Merlot Dawn. This here weapon is loaded, and I've got an itchy trigger finger! If I don't leave this here salon as a satisfied Jamie Dawn, then there's gonna be trouble!"

Bah Humbug Blogger!!

I've visited nearly all my blog buddies, those on my blog roll and those I've been too lazy to add yet, and I am unable to comment on several of your blogs. Blogger is trying to take the Merry out of my Christmas. I tried some of you Friday, Sat., & today. I think the New Blogger change is screwing things up. I have an email address posted on the side bar. If you haven't heard from me, send me an email. I'll send you a reply.
My family and I attended the house of the Lord this morning, and we celebrated the coming of the Baby Jesus. Even if you don't celebrate Jesus during this holiday season, you have to admit it SURE is a FAN-TAB-ulous story! Shepherds quaking, Angels singing and floating in the sky, and later, Wise Guys finding Jesus by using a shining star. It's called the story of Good News, and I am always in the mood for some Gooood News!!
I am certain none of YOU will find a lump of coal in your stocking tomorrow morning. As far as I know, all of my blog buddies have been good this year. Did I hear a snicker in the background?
Personal News Flash!
My hair is no longer the blonde color it has been since I began blogging many moons ago. I asked for a red/brown, and my stylist must have had wax in her ears (or have been dipping into the spiked egg nog a bit early) because she gave me wine/brown colored hair.
Yes, my friends, my hair is purple; at least that's what my kids say to ridicule and mercilessly mock me.
Do I DARE post a photo?
If you request it of me, I will post a pic of my purple pelo (that's hair in Spanish for those of you who are Spanish ignorant) as my Christmas present to you.
Purple is STILL my favorite color!
A hearty Ho-Ho-Ho to YOU!!!

'Tis the Season

Have you donned your gay apparel yet?
We are moved and still getting settled. My semester is over, and I got straight A's. Hallelujah!
This post is short because I am going to use my free time to visit the blog buddies that I have missed so much over these past several weeks. I was missing in action, but I am back in Blogland and ready to read about what's up with you lately.
I leave you with a photo taken inside our new home and a wish for a merry, bright, warm, jolly, beautiful, chocolate truffle-filled, non-hitonious Christmas and an outrageously blessed New Year!! Let's journey through 2007 together, dear blog buddies. God bless you every one.